A Self Love Session After Loss | Richmond Lifestyle Photographer

“It’s been a little over 6 months since we lost Darian and the hole never gets smaller. I don’t think it ever will, but what I do know is that he lives in every sunset/sunrise, song lyric, and everything in between. Life sucks without him, there is no doubt but I hold every moment I had with him so near and dear to my heart. Life is hard, but how lucky am I to have been able to feel a love like that when some people never feel it in their lifetime. 

I love you Darian, always have, always will <3”

I think we have this unspoken idea that photos are only for the happy parts of life.

The weddings. The babies. The birthdays. The celebratory, champagne poppin’ moments.

And don't get me wrong. I love those moments. But what about everything in between?! What about the seasons that change you the most? The ones that don't come with a celebration. The ones that come with grief.

When we were planning Courtney’s next self-love session, neither of us really knew what it was going to look like.

We just knew it needed to honor her current season of life. And that was the season she lost her soulmate to cancer.

A couple weeks before the session, I had a vision of her in a tub (the place we usually find relief and release, I cry in the shower all the time). Hair in a messy bun, window light streaming in, and reading a book. Somewhere between the place of breaking down and tending to herself. It felt like the simplest version of self care I could think of.

So, I asked her to bring books that meant something to her.

She showed up with books about grief, one with her own writing in. Tucked in the pages, a photo of Darian.

We didn’t plan that. Actually, we hadn't planned much of anything. And I think that's exactly why this session feels the way it does. Nothing was forced. It was given space to naturally unfold. Sometimes art just needs openness, and the rest comes together.

She wore a jewelry that represented him. She showed off her memorial tattoo. And I think that's what I love so much about lifestyle photography. It's not about creating meaning out of nothing. It's about noticing the details that are already there.

Some of my favorite photos from the entire session are the ones of her standing in front of the mirror. They're simple and really honest. She has never refused to meet her grief, and those photos represent that. Meeting herself in the mirror. Honoring her phase of life. Finding the things that keep her going.

She later shared these words:

"A journey no one is prepared for, but a journey everyone will take on at some point in their lives. I unfortunately know this journey, but hopefully can provide comfort to others who have or will be on this journey someday. Find comfort in knowing you are not alone, while also sitting with it and recognizing life can be so unfair.

It's okay to be sad, angry, confused however it is also okay to be happy or proud and to laugh again. There is no playbook on the journey of grief, and it's important to know you are allowed to be happy, proud, excited and still be grieving. You can feel an array of feelings at one time. Don't let anyone tell you different."

She said it better than I ever could. Afterward, she told me this session felt raw, authentic, and healing. That means more to me than someone telling me they love their photos. Because that's never been what this is about. I don't want to be the photographer who only meets you at your best. I want to meet you where you are. When you're wildly in love. When you're becoming a parent. When you're figuring out who you are. When you're grieving someone you'll love for the rest of your life. Because those versions of you deserve to be remembered, too.

Life is fleeting. Not just the “photogenic” parts. All of it.

And maybe that's why I love photography so much. Not because it freezes time. But because it boldly says, "This was real."

From Courtney:

“Hannah has known me for a while as I have gotten 2 shoots done with her, and she never fails to make you feel like best friends once you walk through that door. She has a gift that not very many people have. This shoot was raw, authentic, and incredibly healing. It’s a sneak peek into self care and how important it is to continue to pour into yourself especially during times of weakness, sadness, and everything in between. Grief sucks, and it will be with you forever. But how incredible is it that you get to miss someone so damn much because you loved fiercely and deeply. When you think of it that way it makes life a lot more sweeter and delicate. My advice? Keep loving whole heartedly and cry when life gets shitty.“